Darivan Caol - [Dark Wings]

[Darivan Caol]

Darivan Caol

Dark Wings

RACE,

Oocca

GENDER,

Male

AGE,

26

SEXUALITY,

Hetero

POSTITION,

Captain

PERSONALITY,

Darivan is, at his core, the village golden boy. Through his experiences, he has grown to be a very driven individual, earning him his post in the military. Darivan is especially fond of young children, as he has a larger family, and is very protective of those under his charge. He is a friendly, and affable character. However, while on duty he is a Captain before he is Darivan. He has a high sense of honor, and always keeps his promises. Although not often, Darivan has quiet brooding spells. For the most part these spells are caused by new ideas, or quiet contemplation of a scene, or thought.

APPEARANCE,

Darivan stands around six feet tall, and has a medium muscular build. Even though he only has a slight tan, his overall colouration is dark. His hair is black, and his eyes a slate gray. He wears his hair to his shoulders, and his bangs, which are cut to frame his face are softly spiked. He has one piercing in his left ear. He never takes out his silver loop earring. His wings, close to a thirty foot wingspan, are raven black, and shine in the light. He wears comfortable clothing; an off white lightweight square necked tunic, sleeves reaching his wrists in decorated cuffs. The trim is a light gray with a darker gray feather pattern. His trousers are a very dark grey, and are slightly baggy. They're held up with a light gray sash. He wears them tucked into his mid-calf plain black boots.

NON-MAGIC,

~Darivan is good with children, having helped raise a few of his own siblings. Out of necessity he also became a good cook, and neat freak. Although he doesn't seem to mind a little dirt every now and then.

MAGIC,

-Aware: Darivan sends out a blast of harmless magic in order to find a specific life wave. When used to locate other Oocca, it can be used once every other post, and for other, living, races it requires a two post cool down.
-Free Slot
-Free Slot

RACIAL ABILITIES,

Teleportation- The Oocca are not only capable of flight, but instant teleportation from one place to another. The may teleport a max of 4 times before it requires a three post cooldown.

WEAPONS,

~He also carries around a sword his older brother Krinos forged as a commemorative gift when he became a captain. It's hilt has a hand guard, and a chain on the hilt which ends with a spike that resembles a fish hook..

HISTORY,

Darivan grew up as the second oldest child of six. He has one older sister, Mordred, and four younger siblings: In order of age, Krinos, Bracken, Herkit, and Aiyili his only other sister. Darivan is a year younger than Mordred, as is Krinos to Darivan. Then there is an age gap of four years between Krinos and Bracken, then two, and then one between the last two. Darivan, being one of the oldest, helped to watch the younger children while Mordred was helping their mother with the housework, as their father was a messenger employed by the army and was more often than not gone. His mother worked as a scribe in her spare time. Darivan was also constantly sent into town to bring back groceries, and run other errands. These times he treasured, because he could practice his magic, and teleportation technique without his siblings interference. He wanted to be the very best. He went to school everyday and by helping his younger siblings with their work, retained more information. He often got into scraps in order to defend Bracken, and Herkit, the most troublesome of his family. He graduated the top of his class.

After school, he stayed at home full time, until Bracken graduated. Once his younger sibling were not so young anymore, he no longer had to stay at home all day and care for them. Thus begun the boring days. With the younger boys at home to take over his role, Darivan took to wandering. Once in a while he came into contact with malicious creatures, but for the most part, he just wandered around. Then, one day he ran into an elderly man taking a nap under a tree. He turned out to be a retired Army official. Intrigued by his stories of past battles, and of helping people Darivan came back every day to hear more. He had been planning on becoming a tutor, but in the army, unlike a tutor, he could help more than one family, and in many different ways.

With encouragement from his family, he joined as soon as he was able. Krinos had become a smith by this time, and as inexperienced as he was, forged a sword, albeit a little crooked, for his big brother. Darivan carries it with him always. Darivan worked hard, and came home every holiday that he was able to. Aiyili greeted him first every time, as her "favourite big brother".

While in the army, he always looked out for his younger comrades. On one occasion, during a battle against some rebels, he saved a new recruits life. He was a quick thinker, and had formidable skills while planning a battle. It took some time, and hard work to raise through the ranks to Captain, but, incidentally, he was given the title on his twenty sixth birthday. His brothers often pick on him for this fact, but when he questioned his superiors they claimed ignorance of the fact. And he never forgot the stories of the retired soldier who had inspired him.

[MODS]

Well things certainly meet the minimum requirements, there's a couple things I would like to note:

For your custom ability, it'd be a lot of number work to try and keep track of how many times you've run into each and every member, and a pain for the staff to confirm it when you use the ability. A suggestion to make things easier is that when you're trying to locate the life wave or whatever of a player race, it only takes 2 posts for the cooldown (because it can be assumed that you'd be more familiar with them) and for anything else it hs 4 posts (note though that some things, like Rock Golems or ReDeads, will not have a life wave. They're not alive)

2) Your history is a bit lacking considering that you're supposed to be a Captain. I would think there'd be some sort of memorable achievement he got during his military service that helped him get to where he is now. And if he was at the top of his class, I would think a teacher would recommend you for something a bit more....academic-oriented than the military, like becoming a scribe or tutor for some noble family, or something along those lines. Just some ideas, though this part won't necessarily keep you from being approved if the admin thinks otherwise.

[Admin]

Okay~ Be forewarned I'm going to be a little nit-picky, but its all out of love.

Firstly, just saying Oocca is spelled thusly, you are missing a 'c' and you need to edit your Display Name with proper capitals and a space between the first and last name.

You listed his sword under non-magical, it needs to be under weapons. the Non-Magical section is for regular items and abilities, his sword is a weapon, magical or not.

Also, Tuatha is correct about the confusion you ability would cause. I say, as such a passive ability it would be perfectly fine to have a 1 post use and 2 post cooldown, no need for the excessive cooldown. But as mention things such as redeads and golems would be undetectable as they are not alive.

I apologize, but I must also agree that the history is lacking. While it does, by all sense of technicality meet the word count minimum it gives us little information on Darivan. Did he play games with his siblings, with other children? Did the fact that he had so many siblings isolate him from others? I would think that being top of his class would make him suited for something other than the military, perhaps he joined for another reason? Maybe a soldier protected him once from a bully and that image of a knight in shinning armor was ingrained in his mind. Perhaps upon his graduation it was a serious conflict with in his family that he should choose such a risky job and "waste" his intelligence. When he was in the army did his absence (as he would need to be living in the castle) from his family cause any kind of issues or rifts? Did he do anything excessively well within the military to make him an outstanding soldier, maybe he was a great tactician and this won them a couple of battles making him an ideal choice for a promotion?

As he is 26 and a captain there is a lot of ground you could have covered that you seem to have missed. I hope this helps, I cant wait to read the revisions~

[Darivan Caol]

^-^ I fixed it. How's the history now?

[Admin]

ACCEPTED
YES! Much better, he sounds like an endearing character~
Maybe if he's lucky he'll get to meet the Princess hehe